The pieces are being glued back together. Bandaids don’t stick forever. I’m getting better. It still hurts sometimes. I still miss him sometimes. But I will always feel this way because I fell in love. Hard. I know that I have an amazing God looking down at me saying “Child, I love you, far more than he ever did. Focus on me, now.” And that’s all I’m trying to do. But right now, I just want to kiss a random boy and do something stupid. I think secretly I feel like I could get his attention. Is it bad that I wish I could talk to him about God? I still hurt wondering what he believes and if he’s going to go to heaven if he passes away. Is it bad that I just want to take about a month off of living the “I’m a good girl, I do everything right” life? I’m sick of it for the most part. There’s a new guy in my life. I like him. But I know he does bad things. He’s really nice though. I just am so mad about so many things. I’m mad I have to act perfect. I’m mad that I have lost some confidence. I’m just mad. He ruined lots of things for me. Enough about feeling sorry for myself. I have lots of things to be happy about. I just dont feel like noticing them.
I am so completely shattered. I can’t find anything to help put the pieces back together. I don’t get why I made him run so far. I didn’t mean too.. All I want is him back. With me. I want to be able to go days without crying instead of hours. I want to be able to sleep less than 12 hours && not be tired. I want to be able to go places && not anticipate when I can get back in bed. I want him to come back into my life like he never left…
